February 14th brings its share of anxiety if you’re single, not just because you see couples doing couple-y things, but because it is designed to make you feel isolated and alone if you aren’t coupled up. So, of course, it kind of pisses you off. I just wanted the day to be done so everyone could go back to their normal lives without all the freaking hearts and flowers. The whole holiday can feel like a spotlight on what you do not have. And that makes even the calmest person a little cranky.

We miss the opportunity we have on Valentine’s Day, the one day of the year where love reigns supreme. The ironic thing is that many of us are looking for love, when instead we should be giving love. I wish I’d realized this sooner. If you practice love on February 14th, you may find it comes back to you. It sounds simple, but sometimes the simplest shift is the one we resist most. Giving love first changes the whole mood of the day.

I’m a big believer in karma, and also the laws of physics: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So if you do something for or to someone else, positive or negative, it will come back to you in some way. This isn’t rocket science. Have you ever done a kind deed for a stranger and noticed how it made you feel afterwards? A small act can change your whole sense of the day. It can also remind you that connection is not limited to romance.

Offering kindness eases my anxiety about the world and my place in it. There are so many opportunities to do random acts of kindness, to be of service, to give love. So why not take the day we celebrate love to give it to those around us? Love is not just romantic. It heals, it gives hope, it brings joy, and it can be given to anyone, at any time. That kind of love is less flashy, but it lasts longer. And it reaches farther than a bouquet ever could.